In these last 2 years of a pandemic and profound personal changes, I have been learning (or had glimpses of) the most counterintuitive and deeply transformative teaching I ever experienced.
In a nutshell: To have what I want the most, I need to give it away. -- I’ll try to explain:
The moments that I felt the most vulnerable and depleted in these last years were also the very moments of encountering profound completeness. Opening up to the vulnerability offered me a letting go of the ego and a doorway to resting in a more subtle, refined form of awareness. It happened beyond my will and not because I was wise to begin with, but because turning my attention, in a very intentional way, towards the acceptance of that very vulnerability brought out a completely new experience. These have been such precious moments.
I’m not advocating or romanticizing pain; it’s not that we need difficult circumstances to help us get there. However, since the difficult happens at times and our attention gets so magnified with the acceptance and rawness of these moments, we can actually open up to this delicate experience and perceive a different reality, maybe the only sustainable one. We can turn towards it with care, compassion, and finally, get in touch with something that feels very fresh--paradoxically, something that has always been there but was hidden, kept under veils.
Surprisingly, there is an immense resourcefulness in this subtle, but still universal realm of awareness. The beautiful paradox is that, even though in these moments we think we experience a lack - lack of security/love/attention from the outside world– we realize that, actually, the true pain comes from withholding it and not giving it away. It’s such a profound insight and it leads to a clearing up of a new path that is inclusive, constructive, and always gentle.
The counter intuitive remedy is to give away what we think we lack (love/attention/reassurance), or think we need from somebody or something else. It’s in the process of giving that we actually experience the happiness of knowing that it already exists within--and how joyful to extend that to others and perceive that we are also and simultaneously beneficiaries of the gift--it’s in the trusting and in the experience of that intention turned into action that we are transformed by the wisdom of the path.
What really hurts is not the perception of not being given what the ego thinks it needs, but to not give away what the heart already knows that it has within--and in abundance.
So here is a deep bow to all of 2020 and 2021’s teachings, and cheers to 2022 with its endless opportunities in each of its 365 days; 8,760 hours; 525,600 minutes and over 31 million seconds!
Because really, the only thing that truly matters, the only thing we can ever learn to have some control of, is what we choose to turn our attention to…right here, right now… moment by moment, and every moment.
Happy New Year, with love...extravagant and abundant love.